thank you India

Posted on March 23, 2012 by

Another one of those writing days. Sitting at my computer in the family room, I can see fluffy white flakes gently wafting to the ground. Yes, I know it should be Spring, but with this falling snow comes lovely silence and so much typing. During my afternoon break, I decided to crack open some boxes of mementos in the storage room. Hoping to dig up memories and inspiration. I found so many wonderful half-forgotten things and I drifted back in time to the summers I spent as a teacher in India.

Back in the summer of 2004 and again in the summer of 2007, I travelled to Tiruchirappalli, Tamil Nadu to work in a lovely school – Brindavan Vidyalaya. At the time, I was still working on my Bachelor of Education degree, so it was a wonderful experience for me to be in the classroom honing my skills and learning from the other teachers. I lived with the School Principals (a wonderful married couple) and another international Teacher (Ms. Ingreed from France) just down the street from the school. I experienced the language, the culture, and the monsoons… and I came back changed.

After I had completed my teaching,  I travelled across this fantastic country with a couple of friends. Being of Indian descent, they opened secret and unknowable doors for me. They guided me through parts of this land that I never would have ventured to without them. Sadly, time passed (as it does) and we are no longer friends, but I have such vivid memories of our travels that time stands still for us in India.

It is so lovely to sit here in these thoughts. I forgot how passionately I loved that school. I forgot how seminal this grand adventure was.  So in honor of memories and inspiration on this snowy afternoon, I share it with you…

Below is a short piece I wrote as my time at the school was coming to an end.

thank  you india

My favorite time is dusk. I emerge from the shade of the neem tree and the school balcony to feel the dust baked into my virgin white skin. My face shiny from sweat, but no one even bats an eye – that is life here. When the school day is done and the teachers are nattering in the library – slipping effortlessly between Tamil and English – I can breathe in the life of this place. The colors brighter, the smells stronger, everything so foreign and fascinating. From the moment I landed, it felt like home. The people here… their eyes and teeth are yellowed with sun and hardship, such a contrast to their black hands and faces. Kids sing and shout in the garbage strewn streets. Practicing carom and cricket. I lay under a fan, red ants biting my arms and back – planning their attack as a I plan tomorrow’s lessons. No one quite knows how to look at me here – should they address me as they would a man (to practice their English of course)? Or should they look away in deference and respect… maybe call to me – the snow white lady in the kurti – from safely across the road… Any way. I don’t mind. Teach me your words, teach me your ways. I cannot soak it in fast enough. It was love at first sight on the noisy, crowded, dirty, welcoming, ancient streets of Ambikapuram and the school that stole my heart.

Below is a zine I made for an undergraduate art class the Fall after I returned from India.

   cliffs of Varkala, Kerala

 school children at Brindavan Vidyalaya

 McDonald’s in Mumbai, Maharashtra

 Cauvery River, Tiruchirappalli, Tamil Nadu

 The house of Jayasri Miss

 Village temple, Karikuri, Tamil Nadu

 Chandini Chowk, New Dehli, India

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My dentist called me ‘hon’

Posted on March 16, 2012 by

So. After a couple of days of solid reading and writing for my thesis, I decided to take a break and get the old pearly whites cleaned. After moving away from the city centre about 20 month ago, I hadn’t yet located a new dentist. But I decided to take the plunge and call up a nice looking place within walking distance from my house. They were friendly and they had room for me this week, so off I went after lunch. It was a pleasant enough place (slippers waiting by the door!) with new and very clean stations. The teeth cleaning was thorough and there seemed to be no problems until the dentists whisked in and started calling me ‘hon.’ As in ‘move your head this way hon’ and ‘you take very good care of your teeth hon.’ Now, I wish I could say that I asked him to remove the implements from my mouth and then spoke to him about the offensive nature of calling a twenty eight year old woman, who is his patient, who he had just met, ‘hon’ – but alas, I did not. I felt uncomfortable. I froze up and I stayed quiet. And then I left. Mad. And I walked all the way home and became a little more angry with each step. And I started thinking why… Why did this dentist try to create this false sense of intimacy with me by giving me a nickname? And why did he have to choose such a patronizing one (especially since we seemed to be about the same age, give or take a few years)? And why didn’t I speak up? How can I be so mad now, but seemingly brush it off in the moment?

I also wish that I could say this was the first time something like this has happend. But alas, it is not. About a year ago, I was going for my annual physical – not particularly pleasant, but necessary. My family doctor for the past 20 years has been preparing for retirement, so my appointment was with the new doctor who was to be taking over her practice. She was a nice enough woman, about the same age as me, and we got along fine as she examined my lady parts thoroughly. That is until we started talking about the pill. I had been on hormonal birth control for a dozen years or so – constantly – and I was interested in stopping. I wanted to know about my body – my cycle, the feeling of my body and my emotions – without the pill. However, when I initiated this conversation, it went sideways. She wanted to know if I was married, she wanted to know if and when I planned to have kids, she wanted a description of the alternative birth control methods I planned on using if it wasn’t hormonal birth control. I remember stammering, clamming up, and getting a bit snarky with her, but I didn’t tell her what was on my mind. I didn’t say that marriage has very little to do with birth control. I didn’t say that the more appropriate line of questionning would be: Are you sexually active? Are you concerned about pregnancy or STIs? If so, do you need information about alternative (non-hormonal) methods of birth control? I wanted to say IT’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS – ANSWER MY DAMN QUESTION LADY! But I did not. Instead I stewed over it for a while and even requested my original physician back. I talked to my husband, my Mom, my sister about it, but I didn’t tell the doctor! Why?

After all the reading and writing I have done about feminist theory, feminist research, and women’s issues, I honestly feel like a bit of a fraud for not being able to speak out about these day-to-day occurences of sexism and patriarchy in my own life. As as educator, I could – and I should – use these instances as ‘teachable moments’ and perhaps create a new understanding or even a small change. I wrote this blog post to get out my frustration – but hopefully I can also use it to hold myself to a new standard – to speak up instead of clam up and address the issue instead of stew.

And if the dentist insists on calling me ‘hon,’ I guess I will have to just call him ‘sweetie’ and call it a day.

 

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Why ‘hysterical’ should be a 4-letter word…

Posted on March 2, 2012 by

Sigh. It’s been a while.

With hubby back at work, the house is silent. I have returned to reading and writing all day in my pyjamas with an endless supply of lattes. With reading comes excitement and with excitement comes great additions to and quotable quotes for my thesis, but there is also a darker side… there is so much to get passionately angry about – angry enough to blog about it!

In this newfound silence, I have returned to reading and writing about the history of the vibrator. It is such a fascinating topic – fascinating enough that I have been reading about it and writing about it for nearly three years. Throughout this time, I have been obsessed with an excellent book by Rachel Maines, “The technology of orgasm: ‘hysteria,’ the vibrator, and women’s sexual satisfaction” (and I think that I am not the only one – it is soon to be released as a major motion picture starring none other than Maggie Gyllenhaal). I have read this book and re-read it and today I re-read it once again for probably the fifth time and every time I find an extra layer that I hadn’t previously digested.

Today’s epiphany was about the disease paradigm hysteria. I have been absolutely fascinated with this condition – as it dates back to Hippocratic times and existed medically right up until it was removed from the American Psychological Association’s diagnostic manual in 1952. The symptoms of hysteria were numerous, yet vague – and have seemingly disappeared from modern culture (until the advent of female sexual dysfunction – but that is another passionate and heated topic for another day). However, it is my exploration of the treatment of hysteria – medical massage to orgasm – that keeps bringing me back to this book.

Today as I read, I finally understood how vibrators and hysteria are so intricately and inseparably connected. Hysteria, as I have come to understand it, was seen as a challenge to the male-centrered, pro-natal paradigm of sexuality because the simple existence of the sensations (which then became symptoms) pointed to a gaping hole in this paradigm (pun not intended). Why would women experience these symptoms and require a diagnosis with particular (and sometimes horrific) treatments if this paradigm of sexuality encompassed their needs – the truth of their bodies? This gap had the potential to change the very core of how sexuality (and morality) was understood, so the medical establishment was brought in to redress it as an illness, cured by clinical conditions. This medicalization also reinforced the notion that the lack of female sexual satisfaction (and orgasm) within this paradigm related to women being flawed and frigid (as opposed to the paradigm being problematic). In essence through hysteria, “women’s desire and sexual satisfaction are erased” (Starr & Aron, 2011, p. 377).

This new understanding of course got me thinking about how the word ‘hysterical’ functions in today’s day and age. According to Maines (under the chapter title Female Sexuality as Hysterical Pathology) regarding the term hysterical  - “applied to a person, it means ‘upset to the point of irrationality;’ applied to a situaiton, it means ‘very funny.’ The usage has shifted from the technical designation of a disease paradigm to much more general references to uncrontrolled, usually frivolous, emotions. This development, occuring primarily since World War II, is only the latest in two and a half millennia of kaleidoscopic refocusing on feelings and behavior usually constructed as quintessentially feminine” (1999, p. 21).

As read these words and type my response, I can feel my blood start to boil and that familiar feeling of rage rise up from within my belly… and I wonder if this reaction would have been enough to be considered symptoms of hysteria… They most certainly could be spun to be hysterical. Even here, alone in my quiet house, I can vividly recall the times I was called hysterical and it was inevitably by someone (only men from my recollection) who wanted nothing more to shut me up. And it worked. Upon being called hysterical, I can remember turning red and sputtering and struggling to get out a coherant word in rebuttal, but feeling so stupid and humilitated and devalued that I could muster nothing other than nonsensical mutterings. And to this day, I can’t think of what I could have said that would have created the same reaction… except to somehow have said it to them (him) first.

This war we wage as women – to be equals of men, to be heard, to have our words and feelings valued – has to be fought on every front. Which is why something as seemingly innocuous as being called hysterical is as serious (or even more serious) as being called any four letter word (yes, even the c-word).  The origin of words like hysterical are so important even though usage can change over time because it reveals their underlying philosophy – and in this case it is a philosophy of inferiority, silence, and absence.

So please don’t call me hysterical.

Or cunt for that matter.

References:

Maines, R. (1999). The technology of orgasm: ‘Hysteria,’ the vibrator, and women’s sexual satisfaction.  Baltimore, MD: John Hopkin’s University Press.

Starr, K.E. & Aron, L. (2011). Women on the couch: genital stimulation and the birth of psychoanalysis. Psychoanalytic Dialogues: The International Journal of Relational Perspectives, 21(4), 373-392. doi: 10.1080/10481885.2011.595316

Posted in Academic Reading, Feminism | 2 Comments

Celebrating the “uns”

Posted on July 22, 2011 by

On this rainy day, I revisited a chapter that I initially read nearly two years ago in one of my first graduate courses. The contents of the chapter (and I must admit – the book) had become hazy and the details long lost, but, delightfully, in (re)opening the book I (re)discovered the wonderful notion of celebrating the “uns.” This book, Challenging the Professionalization of Adult Education, describes the life & work of John Ohliger, a ‘radical’ adult educator who made substantial contributions to our field; and in this particular chapter, Lee Karlovic describes Ohliger’s fascination & focus on the “uns” – which  Ohligher himself described as “unabashed, unafraid, uncensorable, unconventional, uninhibited, unorthodox, unpretentious, unstinting, unsung, untiring, and finally, definitely unique!” (Ohliger, 2000, p. 2).

I, too, want to be a part of this celebration of the “uns.” I am so fascinated by the unlikely and unconventional places of learning – such as my favourite place – the in-home sex toy party. I like to think of unlikely places as spaces of cultural resistance, in which popular culture can be used “to resist and/or change the dominant political, economic and/or social structure” (Duncombe, 2002, p. 5). Sure, sex toy parties are a venue to sell sex toys, but in my experience, they are also a venue to resist powerful and entrenched, sex-negative rhetoric – such as viewing female sexuality as difficult & problematic, difference as pathological, and sex toys as deviant. It is my belief that this particular consumer space actually creates the opportunity to (re)visit and (re)write our beliefs about sexuality in a new & different way. From where I stand, sex toy parties can be pleasure-based, sex-positive, self-directed learning at its best! With a facilitator as your guide and your friends as your sounding-board, you can explore ideas and seek information that is meaningful to you on topics that are rarely openly & honestly discussed.

So, to quote John Ohliger, “here’s to ‘the uns’” (Ohliger, 2000, p. 2) – may this thesis journey be full of the unlikely, the unconventional, the unexpected and the previously unseen!

References:

Duncombe, S. (2002). Cultural resistance reader. New York, NY: Verso.

Karlovic, L. (2009). A mindful commitment to connecting women toward intellectual community. In A.P. Grace & T. Rocco (Eds.) Challenging the professionalization of adult education: John Ohliger and contradictions in modern practice (pp. 257-278). San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

Ohliger, J. (2000). The early days at the back porch radio: Spread the WORT? Madison, WI: Basic Choices.

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The Medicalization of Everything… Including Sex Toys

Posted on May 26, 2011 by

After watching the excellent documentary Orgasm, Inc. and subsequently joining The New View Campaign (they have an excellent listserv!) – I feel like I now see with new eyes. We, as a society, are part of a systematic and ongoing attempt to medicalize everything, but our overpowering cultural rhetoric does not allow us to recognize this as dangerous…

In Orgasm, Inc., filmmaker Liz Canner familiarizes us with the powerful, pharmaceutical lobby behind the ‘disease category’ of female sexual dysfunction (FSD). It seems as if notion of dysfunction is accepted without question due to the high profile of erectile dysfunction (no pun intended!) in our everyday lives (think: commercials, billboards, print ads, etc.) in addition to the pervasive discourse that female sexuality is difficult to work with – therefore we must work around. Throw some questionable research, responsible for initiating the figure that 43% of women suffer from FSD (Laumann, Paik, & Rosen, 1999), into the mix and… Voila! Female sexual dysfunction is Truth and it must be remedied… with drugs…

Unfortunately, this is but one strikingly obvious example of the medicalization of our everyday lives. It seems that ‘health’ has now subsumed pleasure. We are no longer able to experience things because we love them and they make us feel good… instead they must be good for us, they must improve us OR they are not worth doing AND we must value them for the good they are doing us. When things like art, dance, animals, and yes – even sex toys – are only legitimized for their therapeutic value, the rights of everyday people to experience these things for reasons other than health-related ones are eroded. For some things, such as sex toys, this notion has even become legally entrenched.

Vibrators originated in the late nineteenth century as a  medical device for the treatment of ‘hysteria.’ In the century that has come and gone, the medical community have come to realize that what had been defined as hysteria “may have been, at least in large part, the normal functioning of women’s sexuality in a patriarchal context that did not recognize its essential difference from male sexuality, with its traditional emphasis on coitus” (Maines, 1999, p. 3). Despite this shift in our understanding of female sexuality, there is still tension surrounding the use of vibrators. In the United States, there has been a strong movement towards banning the sale of vibrators and other sex toys – “all states currently place at least one prohibition on the sale of vibrators and other sexual gadgets” (Lindemann, 2006, p. 3). As a means of combating these prohibitions, sex toys are positioned as therapeutic tools – and discussions about personal freedoms (and pleasure!) are not part of the legal argument. This has created a “modern-day, legal emphasis on the vibrator’s use as a treatment for female sexual dysfunction and the contemporary court’s repeated attestations that the device’s worth lies in its therapeutic value brings us full-circle to an era when the device was legitimated only as a treatment” (Lindemann, 2006, p. 1).

This concerning trend illustrates the primacy of health in the most intimate aspects of our lives. Yes, it is important to be mindful of our health and to promote sexual health in ways that allow everyone to experience their sexuality to the fullest, but it need not be the main or only reason we engage with our sexuality – and our sex toys!

References:

Canner, L. (Producer & Director). (2009). Orgasm, Inc.: The strange science of female pleasure [Motion picture]. United States of America: Astrea Media.

Laumann, E.O., Paik, A., & Rosen, R.C. (1999). Sexual dysfunction in the United States: Prevalence and predictors. Journal of the American Medical Association, 281(6), 537-544. doi: 10.1001/jama.281.6.537

Lindemann, D. J. (2006). Pathology full circle: A history of anti-vibrator legislation in the United States. Columbia Journal of Gender & Law, 15(1), 326-346. Retrieved from http://login.ezproxy.library.ualberta.ca/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=qth&AN=20364559&site=eds-live&scope=site

Maines, R. (1999). The technology of orgasm: “Hysteria,” the vibrator, and women’s sexual satisfaction. Baltimore, MD: John Hopkin’s University Press. Retrieved from http://hdl.handle.net.login.ezproxy.library.ualberta.ca/2027/heb.00062.0001.001

Posted in Feminism, Sex Toys | 3 Comments

Men need sex toys too! (two words: the sleeve)

Posted on May 3, 2011 by

Ok. My favourite subject – sex toys. As I was coming home on the bus tonight, I had the distinct pleasure of tuning into the weekly Savage Love podcast. Mr. Savage’s opening “rant” this week was all about the sex toy double standard and by this he was referring to the phenomenon of female sex toy use being defined as adventurous and cool (think Sex and the City), while male sex toy use is often seen as pathetic and desperate (think what the fuck is wrong with this guy!? Can’t he find someone to have sex with him!). I, for one, would like to say here! here! to Dan for bringing this conversation to the fore… so that we can squash this annoying double standard once and for all, right here right now.

Having worked as an in-home sex toy party facilitator for the past four plus years, I can tell you firsthand that this is truly the impression of male sex toy use. I often hear toy party participants saying “guys don’t NEED sex toys” and to tell you the truth, I want to march my husband right into their living room so that he can extoll the virtues of sex toys and blow their freakin’ minds. But instead I calmly work in a funny little anecdote about my good old hubby, who worked in the oil & gas industry, selling “sleeves” (Google it!) to an overworked, under-rested co-worker going through a bad break-up. This usually creates a few nervous laughs and sideways glances. And then I tell them how once word got out around site, this 1 toy snowballed into a cottage industry of sleeve-lube combo packs being sold out of the back of our subaru wagon in the parking lot of his place of employ. Then the smiles break out, the laughs become heartier and they promptly buy one for their partner.

I’ve been researching and writing about the educational value of in-home sex toy parties for two years now and I have never come across any literature that talks about men attending these parties – in fact, many party companies do not allow men to even attend! I think this is really unfortunate and short-sighted (simple economics people). While I love getting together with a group of women who want to talk about sex (and sex toys) and partaking in a little consciousness-raising, I truly feel that there is great value in bringing men into these conversations. I rarely have the pleasure of conducting these parties with men in the room, but when I do I find the conversation simply digs deeper at all sorts of issues, whether it be a great anatomy conversation or a whole unpacking session of gender norms & stereotypes. We simply cannot address questions of sexuality that ultimately point to greater social issues as effectively with only one gender in the room.

So essentially I am saying that men need to join in on The Great Sex Toy Conversation. And in order to do so, they need to be given the freedom to attend, to talk, to experiment. And if you want me to do a party for you just to get the ball rolling, let me know – but I promise, once you go there, there is no going back… And I am really excited about that.

Posted in Sex Toys | 4 Comments

Studying & The Wire

Posted on April 25, 2011 by

“My point is not that everything is bad, but that everything is dangerous.” - Michel Foucault

As this long winter has melted into spring, I really struggled to keep up with my studying. It is not for lack of passion or motivation, but I just felt tired and fresh out of ideas. It seemed like my brain was standing still… No matter how much I read and how many notes I took, nothing felt like it was gelling into something meaningful. Then my hubby & I started watching The Wire. I found the first couple of episodes really jarring and I wasn’t sure that this was a series I wanted to watch, but the more I started to think about it, the more I saw what I was reading about in this show – it was poststructuralism in (television) reality!

To me, it is so fascinating to watch a show in which the main goal seems to be the illustration of the multiple & intersecting positionalities that make up each character based on their gender, race, class, etc. I really appreciate the complexities of the people and the systems examined in The Wire. The police are not the saviours nor are they the power-mad despots of their communities – well sure, some are, but overall each individual is somewhere in the middle, vacillating in between the extremes based on their own lived experience. The drug dealers & gangsters range from sociopathic to loveable ruffians to college students to (il)legitimate businessmen – and that is all the same character! This same shades-of-grey notion plays out with politicians, teachers, the media, etc. and has viewers of the show all turned around about what is good and right and worth fighting for. In this way The Wire defies the right/wrong binary and the need for a neat & clean resolution – and in doing so, it challenges us to think about our own binary logic and the assumptions that drive us to use it in particular ways.

I love finding inspiration where it’s least expected…

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